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i got this gem in the mail in 2005. i'm not sure if i should encourage this guy to write more or not. its a train wreck. i mean. gary stu, crossover, furry...aaghsgsa. it's a mind melter. i wish it wasn't serious. but it is. after the hr tag, it's ALL the original author...except where i removed his handle over and over in an effort to keep him from being hounded for this.
there is ONE LINE i like in here, it's something along the lines of 'i don't need a tv, i need booze damnit!' which is true. tv is worthless. WORTHLESSSSSSSSSS. infact nobody in inhuman will ever be seen watching tv. ever. EVER.
on another note, this hits a HUGE pet peeve of mine. that's authors NOT KNOWING what drinking is like at all and writing it. it seriously pisses me off. like, hand over face pisses me off. OMFG ONE BEER LOLZ PASS OUT THROW UP LOLZ arrrrrrrrrrrg...okay. i'll let the rest of this trash speak for itself. please, be prepared to take beaks as they are needed. it's a doosy. i can't even make it past kyo's first appearance most times.
CAUTION- this fic has been dubbed an '11 beer story.' as in, you will need 11 beers to clense your brain after reading it.
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PG13 For language, some blood, blah, blah, blah?
A Chat-fic style story by (NAME OMMITED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY) The author steps onto dark screen, he looks like a normal human: He has black hair, blue jeans, a black shirt, glasses, a cross necklace, and is holding a rather large metal mallet... AUTHOR: OMG!! >_< IM ONE OF YOUR BIGGEST FANS!!! You prolly hate me already... Grey pops out of NOWHERE and smacks me with a charged hand.
AUTHOR: AUGGGGGG!!! IT BURNS!!! @_X The Author and Grey disappear and the screen turns a sky blue. Grey: Umm... Yes? Grey: This isn't a Disney parody. -_- I know, but this is my favorite part! ^_^ Grey: -_-; Hey... Where's the castle? I HAD MY MALLET READY AND EVERYTHING!!! @_X Kyo: Umm... Darkfool? Darkfool looks behind him and sure enough the castle is cowering under his tail...
Darkfool: Aww... Don't he look cute! ^_^ The author suspends the giant mallet above his head ready to strike. Hehehehe... O_O Grey: Shit... Grey tackles Darkfool just as the mallet strikes where he was standing.
Darkfool: O_O;;;; What? THE CASTLE IS DEAD!!! PRAISE ME!!! All: Yay! ^_^
Casting: Biggest. List. EVER!!!
Dan: Hey!
Mab: Aww... -_- -_- ... You once had Mab and Merlitz go to a restaurant and had Mab think she was going to get the lobster as a pet when it really was...
Amber: OK OK OK!!! I GET THE PICTURE!!! That's right Grey, you just be confuzled. Darkfool: Confoozled? Never mind... Shi: Can we start yet? -_- Fine... The story starts off with Grey and Kyo walkin' down the street with the groceries. (Kyo is not drunk for once! Prolly has something to do with Grey holding the bottle in his hand and giving Kyo a stern look)
Kyo: Just a sip! Grey got Kyo to stop drinking!!!
Grey: He'll hurt himself again. As they walk down the street, someone that looks like a blue version of Solla walks into their building. You'll will kill me for this later... -_-;
Kyo: Why? Shush!
Grey: ... Kyo has stolen the booze from Grey because Grey wasn't paying attention!
Grey: DMANIT! >_< Grey pours out the booze on the asphalt. DRINKING IS EVIL AND A WAIST OF MONEY! YOU SHOULD BE USING IT TO FEED GREY AND YOURSELF! Sides, you need a TV!
Kyo: ;_; A stupid EZ Armor pop-up asks me if I want to let some program access the Internet... The Grey mascot is sitting on it! Grey: -_-... What? I'm typing this up on a computer listening to 'Dare you to move'!!! You would like that song. Grey: No I wouldn't. You don't even know what it sounds like... Kyo: Hehehe... -^_^- Aww hell... the alcohol's kicked in... Grey: ... can we go inside now... Sure. Kyo and Grey walk, umm, stagger, up to Kyo's apartment.
Grey: o_o? Yes. I have inserted my own character into this story!!! He is sitting on the floor with Chovek playing SSBM!
Grey: I knew it... AUTHOR is what appears to be an anthro-dog with white wings, black jeans, a black T-shirt, and a cross necklace. And yes my, err, HIS fur is blue.
AUTHOR: I brought you a TV! Kyo fell asleep again... Lets let him sleep.
Grey: Fine. -_- You don't seem so... angsty, like in other stories...
Grey: -_-¤
Chovek: Ahhhh! Noooo! Grey puts the groceries he was carrying this whole time in the kitchen and sits down next to Chovek.
Chovek: Who are you? Poor Grey can't watch TV, read, write, or even draw stuff... BECAUSE HE IS BLIND!!! Why does gray have to be blind? Reading stories and drawing are so much fun!
Chovek: He's blind? o_o I take out a visor thingie that looks like a piece of 'Plexiglas' with an array of sharp little prongs on the strap connected to it.
Chovek: I don't like where this is going... o_o;;;; I put the eye shield on Grey and hold the prongs behind his head.
Grey: Uhh... -_-; SKWERP!!! A sickening squelching sound comes from the back of Grey's head as the prongs make contact. A small spray of blood spatters Kyo, who is still asleep.
Kyo: Zzz... -.- Explanation time! {Because you would kill me if I didn't!} ^_^; The part of the brain that allows you to see is located in the back, that's where the prongs hit. Ya see... People have been doing experiments where they insert probes into the optical part of the brain and then, using a camera as an 'eye', restore vision to people that have lost it! And guess what? IT REALLY WORKS!!! OMG!!! IT REALLY DOES WORK!!! O_O I stop fiddling with the visor and start cleaning up the blood that got on Kyo.
Kyo: Zzz... -,- (drool) Chovek who has been sitting there slack jawed for the whole thing and finally speaks up.
Chovek: o_o; Is the power on? A little bit of red light starts shining on the strap where the probes are. The visor comes to life in a low sort of glowing light.
Grey: [O_O] WHAT THE F--- IS THIS????? Grey has fainted and the visor has turned off again. F---... ~13 Minutes later...~ Grey awakes to Chovek and I hanging over him. The visor turns on again.
AUTHOR: You ok? ^_^ Grey just stares at us...
Grey: What's going on? Grey taps the piece and the visor turns purple.
Grey: [O_O]...!?!? Grey taps the earpiece again and the Visor turns an eerie light-red color.
AUTHOR: That should be the... I shake Kyo's shoulder and he slowly comes around, wiping the drool off his mouth. Eww... >_< One end of the couch is now covered in drool. Ugg...
Kyo: Unn...
Grey taps the earpiece again and it the visor goes black, total darkness. I like the dark, its quiet, cool, calming...
Grey: [ _ ]??? Grey taps the Visor again and it clears up. Grey gets a good look at us and starts blushing. Grey: I am not... Oh yes you are my little demon. Grey: {Not this again} [-_-¤] Hehehe... e_e After Kyo cleans out his guts with the toilet he walks back in and sees Grey feeling Chovek and I.
AUTHOR: My fur is the color blue, XXXXXXXX(removed to protect the guilty). Grey starts blushing again!
Grey: SHUT UP! [>_<¤] Buwaro! You come in later! Go back to the game room!
Buwaro: Aww... -_- I touch my hand to the TV. Everything goes dark. There's a violent wind ripping at us but we can't let go of each other's hands. It's like we've been glued together. Finally it stops and we hit something with a hard THUD.
Kyo: I think I'm gona be sick... urp... x_x
I am standing before them in blue armor with a cannon firmly attached to my arm. Grey has a gray long tail and has two horns coming from the top of his head. Chovek is wrapped in gauze and is wearing dark orange tights. Kyo is wearing overalls, a yellow shirt, hat, and gloves. AUTHOR: Welcome to a world of hurt. ^_^ End Phase I |